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What a pleasure it is to see a child move from the nearly total dependence of his first twelve months toward a life filled with exploration, verbal communication, and active learning. Mom and Dad watch proudly as fifteen-month-old Philip sits on the floor of their living room, babbling happily as he plays with the plastic rings and spindle they gave him for his birthday. Over the past three months, he has learned to bang the rings against the spindle, pull himself to his feet so he can throw a ring to the floor, and then, when Dad picks up one of the rings, stagger over to try to take it from him. Now, as he puts the first ring on the spindle, then the next, Philip's smile grows in amazement -- and so do his parents'. He dares to reach for a third. Uh-oh. This one doesn't fit. Philip furrows his brow. He pushes, hard. It won't budge. Suddenly, to his parents' dismay, Philip lets out a yell and sends the toy flying across the room. It won't let me put the ring on! he's thinking. Bad toy! I hate it!
Such is the dilemma of the one-year-old -- determined enough to know what he wants, but increasingly aware that he's not quite able to get it. No wonder the generally eager, sunny disposition of the twelve- to fifteen-month-old begins to succumb to bouts of angry tears, yelling, and "acting out" more and more as he approaches midyear. Who wouldn't want to cry if his feet slipped out from under him every time he tried to run? Who wouldn't protest loudly if Mom disappeared for work with no clear indication of when she'd return? And who wouldn't kick and squirm if his caregiver pinned him down for a diaper change just when he wanted to chase the cat?
Being the parent of a one-year-old is all about reveling in those exciting periods when your child's physical and mental capabilities suddenly take a giant leap forward. It's also all about supporting him through the difficult periods -- the times when he knows what skill he wants to master (walking, asking for his blanket, putting on his shoes) but hasn't quite done it yet. Certainly, there are plenty of rewards in store for you this year. During the next twelve months, your baby will begin to appreciate what's out there in the world for him: the colors of a flower, the pleasure of sipping apple juice on a hot day, and the joy of watching a bird fly. He'll discover the satisfactions of banging on the kitchen pans while you cook dinner, clutching a favorite blankie as he learns to lull himself to sleep, and eagerly climbing stairs, furniture, and even people. As he approaches age two, he will grow increasingly interested in others. He'll begin to learn how to converse with his caregiver, his grandfather, and the lady next door, and he'll learn to play happily alongside other children, even if he's not always directly interacting with them. His increasing social awareness will help him begin to sense other people's emotional states, learn to take turns (sometimes), and begin to control his negative impulses in ways that will encourage friendship.
Nevertheless, there will be times -- probably around the middle of this year -- when his whining, banging, or loud, repeated "No!" will baffle and discourage you. These negative behaviors are not a sign of naughtiness or rebellion; rather, they are natural expressions of frustration as your child learns to cope with a tidal wave of new feelings and developing (but not fully developed) capabilities. In fact, those times when your one-year-old seems to fall apart without any visible provocation are some of the surest indicators that he is developing at a healthy, normal pace. (It might also help keep things in perspective to know that, according to a 1986 study by T. Power and M. Chapieski, toddlers are told no every nine minutes on average.) By focusing on how to arrange and manage his environment so that he encounters as few no-win situations as possible -- by erecting a supportive scaffolding of predictable rules, practices, and routines -- you can help him realize his new goals in ways that won't overwhelm him, and that will help you maintain your own equilibrium as well. Fortunately, this is far from a thankless task. By supporting him in his growth, you'll have the pleasure of participating in his transformation from alert but profoundly dependent babyhood to the active, eager, increasingly independent state of early childhood. Best of all, by the time he turns two, your little one will be able to communicate his appreciation by telling you he loves you in his very own words.
A BABY'S - EYE VIEW
Where's Grandma?
"Beh!" Twelve-month-old Jeffrey points to the teddy bear in his toy basket and looks expectantly at Grandma, who's baby-sitting tonight.
"Bear!" she responds with gratifying enthusiasm, picking up the bear and handing it to him. "Is this your favorite bear, Jeffrey? What's his name?"
Jeffrey doesn't understand the word "favorite" but is about to respond anyway, when abruptly the noise of a telephone cuts through the air. Loud!
Jeffrey claps his hands over his ears. The muffling effect intrigues him. Focusing on his hearing, he shifts his attention away from Grandma. Then the telephone stops ringing. Jeffrey looks up.
No Grandma. Jeffrey looks around, stunned. The room suddenly looks enormous. He feels chilled and frightened. Alone! Instinctively, he starts to crawl toward the door-way. At the door, he stands up and peeks into the hall. Grandma's voice! He can hear it! Too eager to try walking, he drops down again and crawls down the hall at top speed.
There she is, in the dining room, talking on the phone. Grandma! At the sight of her Jeffrey pauses, overcome with relief. He crawls over, grabs her skirt, and pulls himself to his feet. "Aaah!" he says, holding on to her knees...
Copyright © 2000 Maureen O'Brien, PH.D., and Skylight Press
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Watch Me Grow I'm One Every Parent's Guide to Enchanting 12 to 24 Month Old by Maureen O'Brien, Ph.D., with Sherill Tippins Published by William Morrow; September 2000; $18.95US/$28.95CAN; 0-688-16878-7 |
The first in a new childhood development series -- stressing how understanding the latest research on the brain can help both one-year-olds and their parents
"O'Brien combines a. rich child development background with her own joy and challenge as a parent to produce this infinitely helpful text. Parents will love her solid information and reassuring tone. Reading Watch Me Grow: I'm One is like living next door to a. child developmentalist with a sense of humor. I can't wait for the other books in this series!"
--Claudia Quigg, M.ED., founder and executive director of Baby Talk
Being one (twelve to twenty-four months old) is a time of explosive growth for babies. Their brains are growing from one-quarter of adult size at birth to three-quarters of adult size by two years of age. They are ready to achieve exciting milestones in language and emotional development, and new skills abound as they learn to walk, share (though not much), and communicate with loved ones. This year offers a thrilling challenge for babies and parents alike.
Throughout this book, Maureen O'Brien, Ph.D., an expert in child development and former director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center at Boston's Children's Hospital, describes this remarkable journey in rich detail. We watch "and hear" these one-year-olds realize their separateness from others, understand that objects are different from people, and begin to know that when Mom leaves the room, she has not disappeared forever. The warm, knowledgeable, and lively style of the Watch Me Grow series reflects O'Brien's vast experience as a scientist, teacher, and mother.
This remarkable series differs from others because
Maureen O’Brien, Ph.D., a recognized expert in child development, is a former research associate in pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, a consultant to and former director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center at Boston Children’s Hospital, and an Adjunct Professor at Bentley College. The mother of twins, she lives with her family in Canton, MA.
Sherill Tippins is the author of numerous books for parents and children. She lives in Brooklyn, NY.
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