Finalcom Website: We Hate This!

Welcome to Finalcom's World Wide Website

"Your ticket to the sh*ttiest part of the WWW"

Well now, it's been FOURTEEN DOOCHY YEARS since Finalcom opened our WWW site to show off this horrid, abandoned, crap that nobody cares about. We're not under construction, we just suck. YAY! See my siding? Still the same old crap, still the same bad HTML, and CURRENT AS HELL with the pages updated every COUPLE OF YEARS! Good thing this stuff is free.

Why are you still reading this?

WHO ARE WE?

We're Finalcom. The last resort for media. If this was the last place on earth to be entertained besides watching the latest "SLAP CHOP(tm) You Tube (tm) mock up...(you're going to love my nuts)" or "bad movie of the week about old tv stars on the splinterwub". Come here and see nothing. We like it that way. Gee, lots of stuff has changed. Remember 14.4?

Really, elsewhere would be a good place to be.

WHY FOR DO WE WASTE THE SPACE?

Actually, our intentions since forming the "Finalcom Lo-Fi Stupidity Funfest" was to further clog the search engines with obscure stuff that our founder Brother Bluto couldn't find on the web back around 10/10/96. Boy, has that SH*T faded hard.

We told you this wasn't important. You can go now.

HAVE WE ACCOMPLISHED THIS?

No. Who gives a rats ass? Worm search engines have found us with no effort at all. Let's hope they don't "belly-up" leaving all those over-educated I.T. gurus without their $500 chairs! "We do it all for you Rod!"

Zayres Frequent "Z" Card! Get Yours Today.

FINALCOM's CREED:

DIE RETAIL DIE!!!!

RIP: Circuit City (F Internet Only), Family Toy Outlet, Kay Bee Toys, Home Expo, Big Dogs,Comp USA, Steve And Berry's University Sportswear, Frank's Nursery, Marshall Field's (Macys? Never!), Kaufmanns (Macys? Never!), Lazurus (Macys? Never!), Fashion Shoppes, Camelot Music, KBToys, WB Studio Stores, Value City, Mervyns, Linens N' Things, Zany Brainy, Ames, Service Merchandise, NWS Olsen, SUN TV, Northeast, Tokyo Shapiro, Furrow, American Appliance, Hills, Curtis Mathes, Eckherd, U-Rent Um, G. C. Murphys, Builders Square, Clarkins, Video Concepts, Fisher's Big Wheel, Caldor, Hechinger, Media Play, Venture, Phar-mor, Children's Palace, The Wholesale Club, Kiddie City,Cunningham's, Cooks,Rink's, Uncle Bills,Ontario, Clarks,U.S. Merchandise, Jacobsens, Fretter, Giant Tiger, Home Centers, Higbees, Halles, Hornes, Bradlees, Leader Drug, Hyper Store, Computer City, Revco, Best, S.S. Kresges, Montgomery Wards, Mace, Gold Circle, Gaylords, Bacons, Woolworths, Woolco, Zayre , Forest City, Forest City Auto Parts, Handy Andy,Gray Drug, Luskins,Highland, Incredible Universe, HQ..and many many more.

The Moral? Don't go into retail, you'll be sorry!

Tokyo Tech...at Shapiro Prices.

WHAT'S NEW? 1/24/10 Boscov's is still out there. Bon Ton/Elder Beerman is in trouble. Woodville Mall is on life support. Randall Park and Rolling Acres are closed for good. Things are tough all over. Like a steak dinner from the nearest participating Pondergrossa. I've given this site just the tinyest update because I like the retro look of nothingness at 800X600 from 1996. Hey, at 14.4... I don't know how long my website provider will keep dial up. I may be one of the last peeps. Gee, it's fun to pay $50 total for intraweb including this mess for 5 Meg of webspace and e-mail. It's fun! All the links and content will be updated throughout my webspace. Like I said, we do it all for you Rod. DEVO new album THIS YEAR!

Okay...heres what be available to you over dey....

1. FINALCOM PHOTON Commence strategic maneuvers on audible command...

2. THE CARS Shameless opinions of Cars classic music. Why? I was wasting time.

3. SNEEZGARD TECH (Manufacturer of the world's finest sneezeguards)

4. RADIOLAWN Comedy. Humor. Editorial Nonsense. Musings. Comedy radio like you can't hear on broadcast radio. It's spicy, it's fun. Come enjoy original internet radio comedy that is new every two weeks! 140 Shows and still going?

OTHER CRAP WE HOPE TO BRING YOU:

ANTON FIGG'S HOT SOUP GARGLE

THE SHAGGY STUDIO CHIEF

DONT LET YOUR PENIS BANG IN THE ONIONS?

FAIRVIEW PARK MACdonalds

ARTIE LANGE: WE NEED YA BABE

K-MART/SEARS: HANG ON CONFUSED RETAILER!

CARIBOU COFFEE OBSIDIAN: BEST COFFEE ANYWHERE

JIMMY JOHNS: BEST DAMN SUBS ANYWHERE

HOP HOUSE PITTSBURGH: PIZZA FEAST SUNDAY

THE BREW KEEPER (ANGER MANAGEMENT) : BEST DAMN MICROBREW

WHIRLING BOWL OF CHILI

WARREN JORDAN REUNION PAGE

JAZ MCKAY SON OF GOD! ON http://www.knzr.com/ NOON TO 3 PST

STRAIGHT OUT OF LOW CAL: NO FAT, BETTER BRAIN

MIKE O'MEARA PODCASTING! http://www.mikeomearashow.com/

All material on these pages would not and should not be repressed by any governmental agency anywhere in the world. Copyright infringement is your best entertainment value. They got a pepperbar!!!!! Denny Crane. Trix are for kids. Progressive See See You . Hop Fusion, Anger Management,White Storm, Red Storm, Mark Wise Brewing God. Hyundai Accent: Deja Vu? Ubuntu: Linux for doggies. Hey Group! Cool it over dey! Free radio is creativity. You'll feel better, when you're on the air! Be a BA. JJ's is EVERYWHERE including 5 minutes from where I used to work. Be careful what you wish for..you might get it. Berger Des Pyranees: herding and pirating breed. Cedar Fair Rots. "The hip people are gonna see." Sheetz Sheetz Sheetz Sheetz "Ya'll don't have no McChicken for a dollar?" Ding ding wacky. Morgan and Hershman 10k run! The voice of the used douche. Time out for fun.

DEESE PAGES LOVINGLY CREATED WITH HOT METAL 3.0 PRO. This is not an advertisement for it, it's merely what I use, being a very inept web page creator. It makes things so easy, even a dog could make a webpage...um...yeah.